Here is our first multi-pack in English. The six jokes were picked up for your pleasure from this forum. Now sit back and n-joy!
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m just tellin’ my frienda how to spella ’Mississippi’."
posted by Quixote
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A man was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at him
and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." He replied that
he felt great.
The man went to work where his boss took one look at him and said, "What is
the matter with you? You look terrible." The man replied that there was
nothing wrong with him and that he felt great. The man went to lunch with a
client and the client looked at him and said, "What is the matter with you?
You look terrible." The man again replied that he felt great. The client
suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked so bad.
The man went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the examining
room and saw him the doctor said, "My god, you look terrible." The man
explained that everyone was telling him that he looked terrible but that he
felt great.
The doctor said, "Are you sure you feel great?" The man reiterated that he
definitely felt great! The doctor got out his medical book and looked up
"looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the subsection "feels
great".
The doctor said, "I found it right here under ’looks terrible, feels
great’. The man, at this point very nervous, inquired to the doctor, "Tell
me, what is it?"
The doctor replied, "According to my book... you’re a vagina."
posted by Reszka
This text is to celebrate Poland joining European Union on 1st May 2004. Who could ten years ago say that we can get there...
The European Commission just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German wich was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceeded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard “c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?Dear God, When we I get to heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ’Chrysler Eagle’ the ’Chrysler Beagle’?
Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God, Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
(1)I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
(2)I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
(3)I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
(4)The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
(5)The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom’s and Dad’s laps.
(6)The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
(7)My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
(8)I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and registration.
(9)I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
(10)Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".
(11)I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.--
(12)I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
(13)I will not throw up in the car.
(14)I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
(15)I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is present.
(16)The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
PS:
May I have my testicles back?
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